Be aware: Teen dating violence Published Jan. 5, 2011 By Connie Powers Family Advocacy Outreach Manager MOUNTAIN HOME AIR FORCE BASE, Idaho -- "My girlfriend wanted me to spend all my time with her. She was really jealous of my friends and wanted me to quit football. She said if I ever left her she would kill herself." "My boyfriend always held my hand just too tight. When I told him it hurt, he'd tell me that he didn't want me to get away. The first couple of times he did that, I kind of thought it was cute, but he began to bruise my hand and I felt like I couldn't escape his grip." These are personal stories from teens talking about dating violence. Adolescents and adults are often unaware how often dating violence occurs. In a nationwide survey, 9.8 percent of high school students report being hit, slapped or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior to the survey. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2009 Youth Risk Behavior Survey.) February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Unhealthy relationships can start early and last a lifetime. Dating violence is a type of intimate partner violence. It occurs between two people in a close relationship. The violence can be physical, emotional or sexual. Dating violence can begin with teasing and name calling and lead to pinching, hitting, shoving, threatening a boyfriend or girlfriend or harming his or her sense of self worth. Examples of this include shaming, bullying, embarrassing on purpose or keeping him/her away from friends and family. It can also be forcing a partner to engage in a sex act when he or she does not or cannot consent. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, dating violence is a serious problem in the United States. One in three teens will experience abuse in a dating relationship and more than two-thirds will never report it to anyone. Many teens do not report it because they are afraid to tell friends and family and they may think it's justified. Dating violence can have a negative effect on health throughout life. Teens who are victims are more likely to do poorly in school and engage in unhealthy behaviors like drug and alcohol use. The anger and stress may lead to eating disorders and depression. Victims may carry the patterns of violence into future relationships. Parents should start talking to their children while they are in early elementary school about healthy friendships and relationships. The types of relationships your children form with his or her friends sets the stage for types of relationships they will choose later on in life. Regardless of age, everyone has a right to safe and healthy relationships that are free from violence and fear. As a friend or parent you may ask when do I report abuse? If there is a reasonable probability that a teen is being harmed or will inflict serious bodily harm on themselves or another person, you should take precautions to protect the teen or the intended victim and notify law enforcement authorities. Here are a few things you can do to enhance safety: -- Trust teen's instincts. If they feel unsafe, they probably are. --Take threats seriously. Danger often is highest when the abuser talks about suicide or murder, or when a victim tries to leave or end the relationship Idaho law permits parent or guardian of a minor to ask the court for a civil protection order to restrict or prohibit contact between an abuser and a victim. To apply for a protection order, go to your local courthouse and fill out the form. You do not need an attorney to apply for a protection order and it is free. A judge can issue a temporary order effective for 14 days. After 14 days, victims attend a second hearing to have the order extended for a longer period of time. National and local resources include National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474; Break the Cycle, thesafespace.org, online resource for teens to learn about dating violence. Other resources include: www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention; www.chooserespect.org; www.safeyouth.org; www.endabuse.org; www.nomeansknow.com. Recommended reading: "Adolescent Risk Behaviors", David a. Wolfe, Peter Jaffe, Claire Crooks and "But He Never Hit Me & But I Love Him", Dr Jill Murray For more information and classes for parents and teens contact the Family Advocacy Outreach Manager at 828-7520.